It's ok to doubt - it's what we do with it...

One of the things about Johnstown, as I know we're all aware is that there simply aren't a whole lot of Jobs here.  As our kids grow up.  Often, they move away to find work.  Sometimes they'll come back to visit, but their life is elsewhere.  It's a funny thing about human nature when they actually do come back.  I know we've all see it happen.  They come back and they can't possibly have done anything good, they're from here, don't you know…

I've worked our diocesan youth camp, Camp Zacchaeus 14 years now, and I had the same experience not too long ago, when I went to the eye doctor and realized…one of the little campers I had that first year or two…was now my eye doctor…  I'll admit I caught myself going…"ok, this is strange" and sometimes we mistrust that…after all, what could this kid possibly know?

Or how about the guy who runs for office, gets elected, and returns home to hear, Just who does he think he is?….All those men and women we saw in the debate this week, each of them grew up in a town.  They went to school, they had friends.  Then, they became big names.  When we go away and return home as a different person, sometimes it can be incredibly difficult for those around us to see just how different we are. 

In an even deeper and more profound sense, I don't know how many military families we have here, but no one feels that experience more drastically than a soldier who has fought overseas.  They come back a very different person than the one who left.

I think if we're really honest with ourselves, we've heard that reaction all too often.  If we keep that feeling in mind, I think we can get a sense of what's going on in the Gospel today.  We hear the people say about Jesus,  "how can he say 'I have come down from heaven' when we know his mom and dad.  Just who does he really think he is calling himself the son of God, we know where he came from."  Remember last week, as we heard Jesus criticize them for only trying to fill their stomachs, not trying to really find the true lasting bread of eternal life.  Now we hear them fire back.  Who does he think he is, with all this "bread of heaven" stuff, we know him, we grew up with him, we know his family.  Suddenly, they're beginning to realize that Jesus is claiming to be more than just a smart teacher, he's claiming to be God.

It's hard to imagine the two things flying back and forth in their minds.  ….but we grew up with this guys….but there was always something different about him...but we know his family….but he's claiming to call God his father….but he's just a man….but he's claiming to be greater than Moses….But look what he did, but that just isn't possible….or is it?....

Then, the final line, the words that would spark controversy, the words they simply could not accept, Jesus says not only that he will give us the living bread come down from heaven, but that he IS the true bread come down from heaven.  It's hard to imagine, sometimes we take it for granted how much of a leap that really is.  Here was this man that many of them had watched grow up.  Sure, he was special...but now he was saying….he was God, the great I AM.  Not only was he saying that he was God, but he was going to give the people his own flesh to eat.  Imagine this being heard by people who came just expecting a free lunch….it was a bit more than they bargained for…

Of course today, we understand what he meant, that he would sacrifice himself on the cross, that he would rise again from the dead, that we celebrate that sacrifice when we receive the Eucharist.  Yet, sometimes we like to sterilize that idea.  Sometimes, it's so familiar to us, that we miss just how shocking it really is.  Sometimes we think of Jesus Christ as being God, and while we somehow know that he was born as a human being, we can miss what that really means.  We can miss just how shocking it was for him offer us his flesh to eat.  We can miss the complete repulsion at even the idea of eating his flesh. 

There are many other non-Catholic groups who like to spiritualize this, They say, but Jesus was just making a point.  They say, but communion is just a SYMBOL of Jesus's body and blood.  Yet, as we'll hear next week in the Gospel, just as Jesus says these words people begin to leave him.  All of the crowds that had gathered began to disappear.  They began to say, this guy is crazy, he's a human being calling himself God, and saying we're supposed to eat his flesh….even to the disciples, it had to have sounded impossible.  Next week, we'll hear as even St. Peter says….Lord, I don't understand, but we believe in you…..where else would we go?

There is ultimately something paradoxical about our faith.  Yes, it makes sense, but it's completely other.  There are times when our own preconceptions don't seem to fit.  There are times when we've heard things in the world so many times, that when we hear the truth from Jesus Christ….we can't see it, we have trouble with it, we just don't know.  Certainly as Catholics, there are teachings in our Church that I'm sure each and every one of us struggles to understand.  For the people in the Gospel today, it was the Eucharist.  For many today, it might be the existence of Hell, divorce, contraception, health care, gay marriage, or any other of the issues we hear today.  The reality though is, that we will all struggle at times with different things. It's human to have those feelings of doubt, of confusion, of feeling like this just can't be…

The doubt itself isn't the problem.  It's what we do with that doubt.  The question we must ask ourselves first, is Do I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God?  Do I believe he founded a Church where we now celebrate?  Do I believe he remains with his Church?  Am I ready to follow Jesus Christ with all my heart and soul?  If I have, then when we find ourselves struggling as Peter did, and say "Lord, this is hard"  can we follow that up with, "but where would we go? For you have the words of everlasting life..."   When we find ourselves struggling with whatever the teaching might be, are we willing to both recognize that we struggle, and do we have the faith to stand before our God in prayer and say, Lord this is hard…..but I know you are the bread of life.  Are we willing to stay long enough to receive the nourishment of the Eucharist.  Are we willing to stick it out and try to find if just maybe it's not really the Church that's the problem.  Maybe it's our hearts and minds that might need straightened out a little.  

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