2018-12-30 Holy Family Sunday

As we celebrate Holy family Sunday today, I have to say, it was very nice for the last few days to go and visit my family.  It's good to see everyone, it's good to catch up on what's been going on and to spend time with those that I don't see very often.  On the other hand, I don't think I'll miss about 10 people sharing 2 bathrooms.  For better or for worse, families can be the people we love the most, even when sometimes we can't stand them. 

I don't think it's any big secret in our world, that as a whole, families don't seem to be quite as stable as they used to be.  I remember even for myself growing up, we used to talk about the dangers of divorce and broken families, how those thing can be difficult for kids.  Sadly, I think the reality today is that there's hardly anywhere a family that hasn't been touched by the pain of divorce.  I know I've encountered younger folks today, who tell me that they're not sure they’ve ever seen a stable, happy family outside of books or movies, they're not sure that such a thing really exists in real life. 

I'm sure we could all go on with stories of the dozens of ways that families are hurting, but I think we all know enough of the bad, and how things go wrong.  But instead, as a Church, we're challenged rather than focusing on all the bad, to look to the scriptures for good examples, to see what we're called to be as families, by looking to the holy family.  So when he saw the world start changing, Back in 1893, Pope Leo XIII gave us a new feast day, called "the feast of the Holy Family," that we celebrate today.  When we really take an honest look at the Gospels, what we find, I think is both surprising and inspiring.  It's absolutely clear in the Gospel we hear today. 

Sometimes I think we can get this idea that all conflict is bad and that the Holy family always got along perfectly without conflict.  Then, we hear stories like todays' Gospel.  Imagine after going on a trip with your twelve year old son, and realizing on the way back that he wasn't with the group.  Now, part of the context was that 12 was the time when he probably made his bar mitzvah, when Jewish boys came of age and begin to take responsibility for themselves.  On the way out to Jerusalem, Jesus would have travelled with Mary and the other women and children, on the way back, he might have travelled the way he came or with Joseph and the men. Imagine, looking around and finding that you lost your son, lost the son of God.   But when they finally found him, Mary looks at him and says, "your father and I were looking for you with great anxiety, why have you done this to us?"   and Jesus responds, "Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?"  

I've known many mixed families, folks who found themselves raising a child that's not their own.  I know how much thought goes into what that child calls their mother's new husband or father's new wife.  Every family struggles, do I call them mom or dad?  Do I have two dads? Joseph had legally claimed Jesus as his own, after being told in a dream, quite literally saving Mary's life.  Most folks didn't know the reality. 

So when Mary says to Jesus, "your father and I have been looking for you."  and Jesus responds with, Did you not know that I would be in my Father's house."  it must have been a painful moment to Joseph.  Here was this boy he had raised in his own house, as his own child.  I don't think it's hard to imagine the conflict, the hurt, as the reality of who Jesus was, that this child he had raised in his house, didn't consider his house, his house anymore.   The Gospel tells us they did not understand what he said.  I think we've all had those moments where something true, but hurtful comes out, and it really takes us a while, walking away, and coming back, to be able to handle the reality of what's going on.

Just a few years ago, Pope Francis, wrote an encyclical letter Amoris Laetitia, the joy of love.  In it, he reminds us that our families are supposed to be the school of love, the school of socialization, the school of bearing patiently with one another, where we learn what it is to love one another patiently.  That's what growth in holiness really looks like.  It's always good and true, but it's not always pleasant.  That was a moment when Mary and Joseph, in a real way, had to step back and realize just who this child really was.  Seeing a child grow up, make their own decisions, begin their own life, that might not be quite what mom and dad had in mind, can be a painful process, but it can also be truthful and good.  If we are honest and sincere, we can come out on the other side with a much better understanding of the person and a deeper relationship.

Just a few weeks ago, I was talking to one of our religious ed classes and I asked the kids.  So if God took you right now and put you in heaven with your siblings, how long do you think it would take until you started fighting.  They told me if it was actually heaven, they might make it at least 10 minutes.  We laugh at that, but at the same time, Pope Francis reminds us that's what family life is really about.  Getting along with that other person in the house is hard.  Yet, it's precisely there that we learn to forgive, that we learn to tolerate each other's faults, that we learn to recognize our own faults and failings.  We learn to live with the people who know exactly which buttons to push, and yet love us as no one else can.  Few people are as capable of pointing out our faults to us as our family.  Yet, so often, it's precisely that same family that allows us the space and love to work through those faults.  It's when those who love us are willing to call us out, that we can do better.  It's when we're committed to working out the relationships that we really grow.

We live in a world where every conflict has to be turned up to 11.  If we're not careful, we can convince ourselves that just because there is conflict means things are failing.  Fights are normal, conflicts are normal, they're part of growing.  Love is what holds a family together even when conflict makes it painful.  After that conflict in the Gospel, Jesus chose to go back with Mary and Joseph and be obedient to them.  Even after those conflicts, Jesus chose to return with Joseph and Mary, to renew their relationship, he chose to continue to love.